the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
did i walk over a car last night?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
