Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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