jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
