Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize