I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
