I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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