you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
