Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
