Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
