I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
God I need to hump something, right now.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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