finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
