Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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