it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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