what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize