I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
