Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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