she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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