I want to have your abortion
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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