He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
