Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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