Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
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