I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Randomize
