I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
