Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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