I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
