Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
