I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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