i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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