that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
So many bounce houses so little time
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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