just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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