It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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