And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
