I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
