Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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