so that wasnt chicken after all
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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