I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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