He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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