Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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