He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
