Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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