So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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