i was born a porn star she said
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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