Your dad touched me again.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
