Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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