i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
