Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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