He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
