Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
