Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
