meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
