Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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