He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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