Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
That accounts for only three of the penises
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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