dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize