im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
