He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize