Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
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