Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
