Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
