It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
