i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
