So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
