Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
