So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
