Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
