who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
