Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
