Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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