..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Randomize